Random Thoughts:

1. "You make me want to be a man...."
-宇多田ヒカル

2. I'm not cold blooded after all.

3. Strangeness is nothing new to me.

4. I embrace death. But I don't die that easily. There's a contradiction. I must be a bad seed.

5. Time stopped today... it all started with caffeine and ended with silence.

6. Nothing makes sense today. If I say I missed someone badly, it wouldn't matter because nobody exists. Samishikitta (stranger). Tanoshimi ni shite masu...

In memoriam. Cel Negado-Santos

April 12 marks the 4th anniversary of the Death of my mother. 4 years of rebelling, 4 years of longing, 4 years of missing, 4 years of waiting. You would see why the dark side of me has not heed to any closure. I haven't buried her yet. I'm seeing signs again that I should resume the search. Until I hold her remains my struggles will never end. There's no resting from this.

Fictional...

I went off to dreamland today to seek the audience of a noble man. He is king to his people and rules the land of the unkown. I came from the land of the undead seeking refuge from a dying state. My cold blood began to seek the warming touch of the living. Although it is forbidden, I had to see the stranger's face. In the middle of my search, my black wings began to grow on my back. There was nothing else to camouflague the frightful nature of my being. Then he comes to me, like a god overpowering and glaring as bright as the sun. And takes my hand as the lights began to fade. And so it was... dark again. I was drawn in a black hole of nothingness. Inside me I felt the rage of the world no one has ever known, my threshold for pain gave into the abyss and surrendered me to the curse that was endless. Time suddenly stopped... for how long? it was uncertain. But as the world began to move, I was just there lying still... and all I could see was myself struggling of the sight of me.. being alone and restless. The stranger I came to see was gone. And there I was... lost again.